• Thomas Ward

Blinded by the Light

I saw the movie Blinded by the Light today. There was a commercial before the movie that showed a guy in a shower and then in small print which was big because it was a big screen it said “do not attempt.” I figured he was about to do a backflip or toast some bread. Instead he reached over to the soap dish where a sweaty can of Coors Light was waiting for him. He cracked it open and took a satisfying gulp. Then the graphic came up: "Coors Light. The Official Beer for Drinking in the Shower." I’m really impressed with Coors on this one. It was finally a beer commercial that I could relate to. It wasn’t attractive people playing pool or sailing. It was a guy in the morning light from his window sneaking a brewsky in the shower, naked as the day is long. Nice. What I don’t understand is the “do not attempt.” I guess that clears Coors of any litigation accusing them of causing broken necks or long slow marches toward alcoholic deaths. But I respect that they’re accurately speaking to their customer base. I don’t remember ever drinking in the shower back when I still drank. I remember falling into the bathtub once just because I was drunk. If only the commercial had existed then so I could’ve saved some time and steps. When I was in high school I smoked cigarettes in the shower because I somehow thought it masked the smell from my parents and I somehow thought the steam would hide the smoke. It was hard to keep the cigarette dry but I did it. I don’t know which I prefer… advertising that makes me wish I was someone and somewhere else, or advertising that attempts to portray life like it really is and suggests that this product should be a part of it. Alcoholics hiding booze from their family is a tale as old as time. Under the mattress, in the toilet tank, out in the shed. The problem with the commercial was that the guy looked really happy. I kind of doubt anyone has been that stoked about drinking in the shower. I kind of think that anyone drinking in the shower isn’t too happy at that particular moment. I kind of think he woke up shaking and had to calm his screaming pain before he could function in any real way. Maybe if it was a bath with candles and incense and the like. But instead of a glass of wine it’s a can of Coors. I might buy that, although it’s not something I would do. Baths are boring. I’ve never had the patience to sit there long enough for any actual peacefulness to happen. And I’ve never had a bathtub where enough of my body could be submerged for it to be practical or relaxing. Sometimes I sit down in the shower. I don’t know what that means or what that would be a commercial for. It’s usually when I’m sad. Maybe an anti-depressant commercial? “Divalkorex. The Official Anti-Depressant for sitting down in the shower.”

The movie was real good.


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