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  • Thomas Ward

what now

A mental health professional recently waited for me to quit talking and then he sort of just looked at me for a moment and I could tell something was about to happen. He said, “What do you do for fun?” I stared blankly for roughly forever before I shrugged and said, “Movies, I guess?” He told me to get out of the house and go to a movie. He told me to go for a walk. He told me to fight through the resistance of doing things and make myself do things. So yesterday I took my dog Willow to a park and we went on a long walk and I listened to music and it was nice. I was trying to walk a smile onto my face. I got some of her poop on my thumb. But it was a nice walk. Today I was sitting at home. Sherry was in bed after a busy morning getting things ready for the boys’ first day of school tomorrow. We are no doubt more nervous than they are. We are terrified. But Sherry was in bed and the boys were upstairs with the video games.


I got that feeling.

That what now feeling.

Where do I go.

What do I do.


I got online and started to shop for espresso machines even though we don’t really need, but more accurately can’t afford, an espresso machine. No one needs one. I hadn’t had an espresso in a long time so I checked for coffeeshops close to home and I found this place called Aroma Cafe. It’s where I am now. Typing. No wi-fi. Double espresso. Watching soccer. Laptop open. Soon I’ll have to figure out what to do next. Again. And again and again. The espresso is delicious. I'm glad I don't own an espresso machine. So I will sip it. And I will watch soccer.